Since I’m about 80% negative and 20% positive I’m going to try a different approach now. If I just shut up for a second I can find that there are many things I am grateful for.
I’m grateful for…
1) The opportunities to learn about Jesus
Up until I was about 24, I knew nothing or even cared about being a Christian. I thought that all of those people would just judge me and harp on me about all of the sins I’ve committed. I believed that if I walked in to a church after having my daughter that it would end up burning to the ground. My viewpoint changed when we did a lunch book club at work with “The Purpose Driven Life”. I learned that God didn’t want to bash us for all the wrong we’ve done while being on this planet and that He created us for His purposes and loves all of us unconditionally.
I started attending a church in my area that was surprisingly very accepting of my daughter and me. It’s been about 5 years since I’ve started learning about Jesus. Perfect, I am not. It’s good to know that Jesus came to save the hurting broken people because I am definitely one of those people. There wasn’t some big event where I was magically saved and healed of all my imperfections but there are little changes. I’ve learned (and am still learning) to trust Him in the things I can not control. That can be difficult but as I’m becoming stronger in my faith it’s starting to get easier. Understanding the bible is an adventure. Most of it confuses the heck out of me but sometimes little passages will stick with me. It’s awesome to know that God loves us for being us and that even though we may have screwed up in the past, He forgives us and has removed those transgressions from us.
Forgiveness gets us back on the right path. Sometimes people are so caught up in all that they did wrong that they can’t move forward in life and end up falling deeper in to sin because they have given up. I’m glad that I understand that I’m forgiven because that has freed my heart to try to do better. It gives me that push to try harder without being afraid of making a mistake and knowing that if I do that I will be forgiven.
There is still so much more to learn about Jesus and as I’m learning I’m trying to teach my daughter too. Maybe she’ll have a better understanding of God’s love and turn away from the sin that I walked right in to.
2) My Husband and Daughter
Although my daughter came to me unplanned, I can’t say that she completely ruined my life. What would I have been like if I never got pregnant? Who knows, can’t worry about that now. My daughter pushed me to strive harder. I could have been a mom who sat back collected welfare and shot out more babies. The thought of the state raising my child was unacceptable to me. Luckily I graduated high school before having her, so I went to business school when she was a year. Got a great job and was able to get affordable daycare close to home (by God’s grace and I didn’t know it) .
My husband loves both of us and also gets along with my daughter’s dad and step mom (as much as we can). He does so much for us and even if he was unable to I would still love him dearly. He’s taught me a lot about myself and has opened my eyes to things I never noticed about myself, family, and daughter. He’s a hard worker and is helping me to have more faith in myself and abilities. Marriage sometimes has challenges but those experiences help to strengthen our relationship.
3) My Job
Sometimes I complain about my job and I know that is wrong. With the economy, I’m lucky to even have one. There were some rocky moments and challenges in the past 3 years. I almost thought I was not cut out for my position and that all I’m really good at is simple data entry jobs. I wanted to drop myself to a lower level job so I didn’t have to be challenged as much but it seems like my opinion about my job is changing and that I’m starting to become more confident. This is the only job I’ve ever had that has grown me and challenged me. Got me out of my shell and has given me purpose in life. My coworkers depend on me and that makes me feel good. I like when I can help people and show them how a process works or how to run a report. For some reason during those rocky 3 years I developed a fear of being depended on. I was afraid to contribute anything but now I know with a little confidence, patience, and one step at a time things can be accomplished and I can help others.
