So I’ve learned this recently today… I was reading our church newsletter and was made aware of a new ministry that provides assistance to single mothers with material items, mentoring, and general help for things like maintenance, etc.  The ministry is called Side by Side and it is expected to launch in early fall. 

I recall back before our newest pastor became our pastor I was invited to a focus group and I had mentioned doing some sort of ministry/small group/interest for single moms.  I didn’t think anyone was listening but possibly God had held that thought in someone’s mind to move on in the future.  It may have not even been me that put that thought in someone’s head but maybe God was listening to me somehow.

I laugh because I’m no longer a single mom but maybe I could possibly be able to help out with the ministry.  I’ve been there, done that.  I know the stresses that single moms face and possibly the guilt they hold inside of them.  The challenges of dating, finding sitters, needing “me” time, wishing the father would just take the kids for a week, the glares you get from strangers, etc.

The ministry would also help families with special needs.  Can you believe it?  Another area I am passionate about.  I don’t consider my daughter to be “special needs” as much now but I do understand the challenges of finding the right daycare, preschool, speech therapist, IEP meetings, behavior management, theraputic support specialists, healthcare, autism, learning disabilities, project DART, early intervention, Allegheny Intermediate Unit, all of that! 

However, I do not have training in counseling, I have an associates degree in business administration… Hmmm!  I have a little experience in social work from an internship in highschool with the Union Aid Society (our hometown assistance). Who knows if I can even get involved but I can’t believe this is finally happening.  For some reason, I did not think our area had a need for this kind of help… maybe they truly do and possibly God could use me somehow someway… maybe.

We finally had our parent teacher conference today and I was surprisingly shocked to see the improvement that my child has made this quarter. For about 60% of the day she is in a learning support class and has an IEP. She is in the mainstream class for handwriting and specials. She receives speech therapy twice a week and occupational therapy once every two weeks. The OT is mainly to help her improve on her handwriting. She tends to rush through assignments and can be sloppy. She has to work hard to write neatly but does a great job when she gives the extra effort.

The school district has given her a diagnosis of autism which helps her get the services she needs. I’m fine with it as long as the label does not follow her around for life. The Watson Institute was unable to give her this diagnosis when I took her for an evaluation when she was about four. They said that socially she did not fall anywhere on the spectrum because she was able to go up to people and attempt to have a conversation. Plus she is very “hands on” with people, always wanting to give hugs. It’s possible that she might be slightly autistic but the symptoms have decreased greatly as she’’s gotten older.

During the conference I was amazed to find out that she’s doing well in math. That was one of my weaknesses at her age. She was able to go beyond her goal on one of the skills even though it was just recently introduced to her.

Her reading is still a challenge but she is at about 92% on the first grade sight word list and 95% on the second grade list. Last quarter she was around 82% on both. Her teacher is a little stumped on how my daughter puts sounds together. When you break it down to her and ask her to repeat it back to you she will totally hack it up and put sounds where they don’t belong, etc. There is no actual medical reason for her speech problems besides the chronic ear infections since birth to around three. We are still fighting the ear infection battle though. We’re on the third set of tubes. She is being phased out of private speech at the end of May. This means that the major issues have been resolved.

At home and at school we are having problems with her attitude. She is doing a lot of eye rolling. So much to the point that one of her classmates is really offended by it.  So he’ll bring it to her attention teacher’s every time she does it now.  I had to laugh when I heard that because it’s usually an adult who would be offended not a peer. She can be rude at times because she’ll yell at you when you ask her to do something and be overly sarcastic. I’m thinking it’s just another one of those behavioral phases that she’s going through. We tend to run in to behavior difficulties with her in the middle of the school year.

I was happy to hear that her rocking in her seat during class has decreased. She gets to use this neat little “bumpy seat” that I guess gives her the sensory stimulation she needs. I think it was a nifty little invention for jittery kids. She gets frequent breaks to help allow her to play with putty or another fidget toy to give her the deep pressure sensations she needs.

Sensory issues with children interest me. I read portions of the book “The Out of Sync Child” and found many of the situations mentioned in this book pertain to my daughter. She craves deep pressure which is why she’ll squeeze me till my eyes pop out and will bump in to people for fun. I’m not like that.  I can’t stand to have people too close to me and get uncomfortable during hugs from people other than my husband.

I am glad she is progressing well. We’re still tossing up the idea of summer school. They are only doing it for three weeks this year at the end of summer. Personally, I don’t know if she’ll gain much.  I think she’ll get the same experiences during the summer day camps.

Because I have a little bit of experience being a parent of a “special needs” child I may do more postings on this subject. For a long time, I didn’t believe we would ever get as far as we have. I used to hate the fact that there was something wrong with my child but no exact diagnosis. I couldn’t make any excuses for her odd behaviors such as biting, hitting, hugging too much, and speech delays, etc. I am happy to know that these things are not permanent and she can make improvements.

“Taking it personally” this seems to be my life motto however it is a dangerous motto to live by. When you take everything personally it severely limits your ability to try new things or “go that extra mile ‘. You always fear making a mistake or having someone become angry at you. I’m the type of person who we’ll give up at the first sign of disappointment. I’ll put up a stop sign when the traffic light is green because in my mind I see no real reason to try.

It’s a bad thought pattern because I am completely unaware of my own potential and it causes me to prevent myself from setting goals. I’m beginning to learn that this is a horrible way to think. It is probably a good thing that I realize this because that’s when I’ll decide to change. Being totally unaware of your negative behaviors will continue to keep you” stuck in a funk”. At least realizing them will put you on the road to improvement. You may end up in the slow lane but proceeding with caution is probably a good thing until you can muster up enough confidence in yourself to merge in to the faster lane.

One thing that I noticed with change in my own life is that if I move too fast or put way too much effort in to the change I’ll burn out and the thought of proceeding with the change makes me sick to my stomach. I struggle slightly with depression so on good days I’m all for making a change but on my lower days I lose total confidence in myself.

I’m glad that I’m realizing that negative thinking is getting annoying. How long can someone live in a low negative mood without jumping off a bridge? I don’t like the days where I feel doomed and hopeless. Those days actually make me sick. I do wish that the days where I’m in a better mood would come more often. Then I could really consider making some significant changes within myself.

Because I do believe in God, I will be patient. It would be great if I had a steady mood and could do everything without getting tired or crabby but I realize I’ve been like this for a long time. Possibly since grade school. So I’m depending on God to help me through these challenges and I realize it won’t happen instantly. I see small improvements here and there so I’m hopeful although there are those days where I wish I could change instantly but I know it would just feel fake.

Since today I was in one of my good moods I will end this post by saying “this day went well and I thank God for every minute of it.” If tomorrow does not go so well… I’ll thank God for giving me another day to live, love, and learn.

Brandy and Tippy are supposed to be dogs but  I am convinced that they are a mixture of dog, cat, and human.  Both of them sort of behave like dogs, but there are also those behaviors that make me think otherwise.  Brandy perches herself on the windowsill just like a cat and stares outside at the birds and rabbits.  Tippy is very jumpy and she’s afraid of anything that moves.  She doesn’t seem to like humans. Who doesn’t know a cat that despises humans?

These furry creatures also possess some human traits. Brandy is very easygoing and carefree. She’s overly forgiving (which is more of a dog trait) and wants everybody to like her. Tippy is very expressive. She’ll let you know when she doesn’t understand you and thinks you are an idiot simply by the look she gives you.  She’ll often try to communicate by staring at you and making short whining sounds until you do something for her like give up your seat.

Both of them are great additions to our family. We got Brandy at Pet Smart when we were simply getting dog food for Tippy. Oh well, looks like Tippy got more than she asked for. Now, every time we try to go to the pet store Tippy rushes to the door growling and showing her teeth and then proceeds to bite Brandy on her ear. Well not really, she doesn’t come rushing to the door. In most cases, they get along with each other.  Sometimes we’ll catch them snuggling with each other or sharing a toy.

I often wonder what they think of us. I’m sure that Brandy has nothing but positive comments for us, “I love these people, they are always leaving the toilet seat up and the treat box partially open! I am always willing to help myself!” Tippy’s comments would be a little more heartbreaking “If only I knew how to drive, I’d take myself to the Heights where the smart people are. I am way better than this and hanging out with a boxer mix is killing my reputation.”

These pups are the rulers of this house. They take up 90% of the bed. Leaving space just enough for me and my husband to lay our heads on the mattress while the rest of us are hanging on the floor. This is the price we have to pay for our decision to have TWO dogs!

It’s not so bad because those bed hogging pups are also there to listen to you when you’re complaining about your daughter’s messy room or something that your husband does that drives you nuts.  Free therapy, is the way I think of it. I simply think of my dogs as little people with small brains and big hearts.

I am not an expert in parenting and this is my first time being a parent but I recently found out that my 8 year old daughter has a crush on a boy in her class.  I honestly think I’m in denial somewhat because I still see her as a baby.  Obviously, it’s okay for her to like someone in an innocent way.  If she smiles at him excessively and gives him a valentine, okay.  As long as she is not hiding uder a table kissing him then I am fine.

Looking briefly online, I see mixed responses on this subject.  Some people say as early as 7 while others said age 11 for the first crush.  I’m assuming that it depends on the child and their emotional development.  Boys will naturally have a first crush at a later age simply because they are less emotional than girls.  It was funny how a child shows that they are interested in another.  Girls will do the goofy notes and phone calls while boys may play rough or tickle someone.

Since my daughter is more of a tomboy she will tickle and play rough instead of the “princess” I love you mushy stuff. 

This is a new adventure in my parenting life and I will try my best to talk to her about the appropriate and safe ways to have a crush.  My biggest fear is that she will not have the self confidence to say no to a boy when she gets older.  She may depend on a boy to make her feel good about herself and that’s where a good child could make a major mistake that will leave a deep scar on their life.

Personally, if I could do it all over again, I would have waited until marriage. I was 19 and unwed when I had my daughter.  If I had waited, this would mean that my first child would have been born out of love and I probably would have been able to bond with her so much better.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter so much and I just wish I would have picked a better time in my life.  I may not have my own insecurity issues and would have been more confident if I would have waited to have that “first time” and many more.

This society frustrates me because you are considered the “odd ball” if you are still a virgin at age 18.  Is anyone aware of the damage that we are doing to ourselves deep down? It may be fun and “feel good” while we’re doing it but at what cost?  Honestly, abstinence should be encouraged more and not just by adults telling teens.  Teens need to really consider this themselves too.  I believe that it would have been worth the wait.

Sometimes I feel like my daughter is already a 16 year old or at any of those teen age years where parents don’t know anything. She is only 8 though so I’m not sure where she learned how to talk back to me. She doesn’t do it all of the time and is mostly compliant but there are times when we’ll ask her to do something and she’ll sigh like we’ve just asked her to clean out the garage or something. Then there are the times when we’ll tell her to stop doing something like annoy the dogs and she’ll shrug her shoulders and in a shreaky voice scream “what did I do????”. Let’s see, almost get your cheek ripped off by our psychotic boxer mix!

Then there are the times where you would think she was alaready menstrating because she’ll break down crying over something little like having to re-do a math problem. Gee, maybe the teenage years we’ll be a godsend.

Well, I know it could be worse. I remember one day when I picked her up from daycare and there was another girl around the same age as my daughter that was screaming at the top of her lungs “I hate you daddy!!” I’m relieved that she has not screamed at me in public. I could see myself shrinking down to the size of a pebble if that ever happened. I would then take her home, stuff her in a large cardboard box, and ship her to her dad’s house with a note saying “do not return until 21 years of age”.

All in all, I can’t complain too much because I think 8 year olds are pretty cool. You are able to have conversations that don’t involve the words “put that down!” or “no, no don’t squeeze the kitty”. Well, possibly I could have those types of conversations with my daughter since she adores pets.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09069/954502-100.stm

Phew!  This comes as a relief, at least to me.  I have a fear of being downtown during the St. Patrick’s day parade due to my experience two years ago.  If they are going to make more efforts to “curb public intoxication” I may decide that it’s safe again to go downtown during that time. 

My experience two years ago is a funny story when I tell it now but I was a little freaked when it happened. 

I was walking across the Smithfield Street bridge to meet a friend at the Home and Garden show and I parked at Station Square because I was dropping my daughter off to her father who was in town for the parade. 

I love walking around the city and never had a problem before; even while waiting for a bus, under the overpass at night, by Allegheny Center on the North Side.  So I, of course, did not fore-see any future problems during my walking adventures in the city.

Now, we all know that beer seems to be a necessity during St. Patricks Day and even a parade where families are is not an exception, I guess.  When I was walking across the bridge a group of drunk twenty-somethings were coming from the other direction.  It was icy and one of them slipped and his tall plastic beer mug splashed beer on me.  Okay, I can forgive that.  As they passed me, one of them turned around and threw a snow ball at me and called me an Oompa-Loompa! 

I fully acknowledge that I’m short and look young so I can’t argue the fact that maybe I look like one of Willy Wonka’s workers and possibly the job would be fun but did you really need to throw a snowball at me like a grade schooler??  Plus, I am not orange! 

I didn’t do anything but ignore them and keep walking.  I really don’t think I can take on 7 guys that are taller than me but I would have good aim at their family jewels, being so short and such. 

So I do find this story funny but ever since then I’ve been afraid to go downtown during the St. Patricks Day parade.

Kudos to Pittsburgh if they can make it more family friendly and Oompa Loompa friendly!

It’s that time of the school year again for parent teacher conferences.  Lucky for us my daughter’s was cancelled by her teacher and she’ll reschedule for another date.  I’m not too concerned anyway about the conferences as much as I was in the past.  She seems like she’s making more improvements and she’s more confident.  Granted, she does have an IEP so these conferences are pretty much pointless because her homeroom teacher only has her for 40% of the time but we also get to meet with her learning spport teacher. 

She had a speech delay until about 6 and then suddenly she was speaking clearer and able to sound out words while reading etc.  She even improved her bahavior toward others.  I dreaded parent teacher conferences when she was younger because they would always bring up some odd behavior like biting or hugging people to much.  She was a crazy kid when she had speech barriers.  Now she seems to be doing great.  At least I can understand 99% of what she says. 

She definately seems more confident in school work as well as socializng so I’m happy.  My little girl is growing up so fast!  Although I will say that eight year olds are a bit sassy!

My mind is completely blank, well, not COMPLETELY.  I can at least think about when to eat, go to the bathroom, and sleep. Of course all of my basic needs.  I just don’t know what happened to my creativity.  If I search deep down in my brain, past the cobwebs and spiders,  I assume I will find it.  Maybe it jumped ship when I became an adult and parent.  Well, I’m hoping that’s not true because I do miss being a kid and being creative. 

My daughter is quite creative.  She has found ways to turn boring in to fun.  I personally find being at home boring but when I ask her if she wants to go to the mall or just out she would rather play with her Webkinz and Littlest Pet Shop toys.  She’ll try to engage me in her play, but I’m always making excuses as to why I don’t want to play.  My real excuse is that I lost my creativity.  I’m convinced that she took it from me when she was born, along with all of the nutrients I had in my body and my little bit of eyesight that allowed me to go without wearing my glasses.

Oh well, all I can do now is get my creativity back.  Obviously, I can’t snatch her toys and try to play with them on my own.  I will have to do this carefully and secretly.  If I want to get my creativity back, I can’t let her know that’s my goal.  If she found out she would do everything in her nature to keep it from me.  A kid without creativity, just isn’t a kid.  So my plan is to “pretend” (if I can even remember how to do that) that I want to play with her Webkinz (personally, I miss the “Tamagachis”) and watch her closely, making myself aware of how she is using MY creativity.  If I can figure out how she uses it then that’s my ticket to get it back. 

Once I learn how to use that creativity that I’ve unconciously given away, then it will magically come back to me.  Then she will have to figure out how to get her own creativity.  She could possibly sneak it away from one of her friends, but I have a feeling that most parents are carefully planning how to snatch back their creativity from their kids.  So there won’t be much left for my daughter.  Ha, ha!

I’m glad that she is creative because, in reality, she will help me re-teach myself to be creative.  Then my blogs may actually have a point.  I promise that there was a time that I wrote really great stories.  That time was about seven years ago.  I do know that I can write a lot about being a parent.  That is one thing that I do know loads about. 

I’n not really in to politics so you won’t hear much from me about that.  I do tend to get a little depressed for no apparent reason.  I also tend to think that the glass is always half empty and that definately irritates people.  One of my co-workers told me that I make people want to jump off of a bridge when I talk negatively.  Personally, I thought that was funny.  Do I really have that much power over someone? “Mwahaha!!” I do have a new family that I’m working to become a contributing member of.  It’s been awhile since I’ve had a stable relationship with anyone and I’m really enjoying it.   I work in the city and commute 25 miles one way every day. I have an “on/off” relationship with God.   So you may hear much about these subjects. 

Looking at the gas prices, I may actually begin commuting by bus again instead of driving to work every day.  I felt so good about myself when I got my license at 22!!! Although, there may be a point now where I’m just working to get to work.  My employer does provide me with the benefit of a free bus pass, so when gas prices do become unbearable, I at least have another option.  It’s either the bus or “horse-nap” a Clydesdale during the next holiday light up night in my neighboring town.  Wouldn’t I just look silly taking a horse on the boulevard? 

Okay, so I may be out of things to write about for now.  I can feel my creativity coming back to me but not as fast as I like.  Just like many other things in my life, it will hit me when I least expect it.  Watch that be the time when I don’t have access to a computer.  Oh no! 

So we all know how it happens, but it almost seems like the stork really did just do a “fly by” and drop off a baby that you are now responsible for raising.   As they grow, you realize they are not as fragile as the raw egg or bag of flour that you were forced to take care of in highschool for some lousy home economic credits.  They are more like little stunt men, doing dive bombs off the couch or tumbling (not gracefully like a slinky) down the stairs.  Yet they still survive, reminding you every day with a screeching cry for a toy or a bonk in the head with the toy they so desperately wanted and are now bored with.  

You’ve got to love parenting though, with it’s many joys and heartaches.  What more could a person ask for?  Since the day your little one joined your household, they suddenly didn’t seem so little.  Family and friends would come to ooh and ahh over the tiny one while not realizing that mom was lying on the couch like a hump of clay completely worn from only minimal hours of sleep for the past two weeks.   To outsiders, your little one seems so sweet lying in her cradle sleeping so peacefully without a care on her mind. 

In reality, your little baby is dreaming of how successful her night was of making mommy completely submissive to all of her needs.  Doing whatever it took to get mommy to come and pay her a little attention.  She wasn’t really hungry or had messed her diaper.  She prefers sleeping during the day and torturing her parents during the night.  That’s more fun and really entertaining for baby.  She had this all planned out with the other babies in the hospital nursery before coming home.  I hear there are competitions to see which baby can be the first to drive their parents to the loony bin.