“Taking it personally” this seems to be my life motto however it is a dangerous motto to live by. When you take everything personally it severely limits your ability to try new things or “go that extra mile ‘. You always fear making a mistake or having someone become angry at you. I’m the type of person who we’ll give up at the first sign of disappointment. I’ll put up a stop sign when the traffic light is green because in my mind I see no real reason to try.
It’s a bad thought pattern because I am completely unaware of my own potential and it causes me to prevent myself from setting goals. I’m beginning to learn that this is a horrible way to think. It is probably a good thing that I realize this because that’s when I’ll decide to change. Being totally unaware of your negative behaviors will continue to keep you” stuck in a funk”. At least realizing them will put you on the road to improvement. You may end up in the slow lane but proceeding with caution is probably a good thing until you can muster up enough confidence in yourself to merge in to the faster lane.
One thing that I noticed with change in my own life is that if I move too fast or put way too much effort in to the change I’ll burn out and the thought of proceeding with the change makes me sick to my stomach. I struggle slightly with depression so on good days I’m all for making a change but on my lower days I lose total confidence in myself.
I’m glad that I’m realizing that negative thinking is getting annoying. How long can someone live in a low negative mood without jumping off a bridge? I don’t like the days where I feel doomed and hopeless. Those days actually make me sick. I do wish that the days where I’m in a better mood would come more often. Then I could really consider making some significant changes within myself.
Because I do believe in God, I will be patient. It would be great if I had a steady mood and could do everything without getting tired or crabby but I realize I’ve been like this for a long time. Possibly since grade school. So I’m depending on God to help me through these challenges and I realize it won’t happen instantly. I see small improvements here and there so I’m hopeful although there are those days where I wish I could change instantly but I know it would just feel fake.
Since today I was in one of my good moods I will end this post by saying “this day went well and I thank God for every minute of it.” If tomorrow does not go so well… I’ll thank God for giving me another day to live, love, and learn.
